Late Fall’s when it starts, it’s quite slow from the first
a change starts to happen, an innocent curse,
The glare in his eye softens over the days
Teeth straighten and stop pointing every which ways.

Once glossy and foggy his eye once detached
is clear and it twinkles, gone the eye patch,
his nasty long beard loses fire and flint,
gets curly and frosty, starts smelling like mint.

Chorus:
Our Captain is looking, um, oddly quite cheery
Our Captain has lost all his anger and vile,
We’re all feeling merry and brimming with laughter
our Captain is changing – at least for a while.

His face loses scars from old battles and fights
cheeks get all rosy and eyebrows turn white and
they stop crushing down in a devilish way,
instead they rise up like a rainbow archway.

Halfway ‘cross the ocean he’s laughing, “Ho-Ho”
no longer sips rum, wants a toddy cocoa,
His coat that was dingy and resolute blue
has turned a nice burgundy, shiny and new.

He’s carrying mistletoe above his fat head
and the wenches he used to grab, peck him instead,
His blunderbuss sits in a holder quite calm,
His naked girl tattoo has a heart and reads “Mom”.

Chorus:
Our Captain is looking, um, oddly quite cheery
Our Captain has lost all his anger and vile,
We’re all feeling merry and brimming with laughter
Our Captain is different - at least for a while.

The nasty cigars are replaced by a pipe
and the smoke smells like raspberry Angel Delight,
His chin’s doubled up and his frames not so muscular
He’s a Fat Rascal scone, cheeks all corpuscular.

He orders the crew to stop arguin’ loud,
blows up the frigate with bright lights on the shrouds,
on each cannon’s muzzle we drape a green wreath
From the crow’s nest a gold star hangs down underneath.

On the 24th day, we sing, dance and smile
The Captain’s stopped swearing and he sports a hairstyle,
his breath and his clothes smell like berry’s and cream
it’s a life that we all live some where in our dreams.

Chorus:
Our Captain is looking, um, oddly quite cheery
Our Captain has lost all his anger and vile,
We’re all feeling merry and brimming with laughter
Our Captain’s our comrade - at least for a while

On the eve of this night last month in the year
he climbs to the poop deck and while holding back tears, he says
“All ye bilge rats, scupper louts, ‘n buffoons,
Merry Christmas you all, You’re my bloody fine crew.”

And we all cheer him back, raise our flagons to toast
This Captain we fear, who right now we love most,
Cause tomorrow he’s back to the bastard he was
it’s another long year ‘til we see Captain Claus.

Chorus:
Our Captain is looking, um, oddly quite cheery
Our Captain has lost all his anger and vile,
We’re giddy like children we sing and we laugh
Our Captain is Santa - at least for a while.